What a Tangled Web We Weave

The second new clue that my parents were able to furnish was a copy of my baptismal certificate as it was provided to them by the illustrious Kathryn Doll once my adoption had been finalized on March 29,1971. This date is important because it marks the moment that I officially became Lisa Joy Sanger in the eyes of both the Catholic Church and the government. Prior to that day, I was in a nebulous grey area--adopted and moved into my parents home but still legally and ecclesiastically my original or birth name.

Baptism in the Catholic Church is a curious process for adoptees. Babies such as myself have to be baptised quickly after birth, why I'm not exactly sure--protection from incursion by the Devil, saving them from being whisked away into Protestantism, staving off a stay in Limbo if they happen to die?? In any case, babies in Catholic Charities care were routinely baptised within one week of birth, despite the fact that they would not be united with their new families often for eight to fifteen more weeks.

At the time of that baptism, the Church enters the birth name and birth parents' names into the church roll, with the godparents listed probably as the foster parents that were raising the child at the time. Once the adoption is legally finalized, in my case about one year later, the Church amends the roll. That original, binding baptism (mine occurred on May 10, 1970) is represented as though my parents and godparents were actually present and my name was actually Lisa Joy Sanger. Any certificate that is requested forevermore will only reflect the amended information because that is how God and the Church now recognize me.

Strangely, though, the Church strongly believes that the original roll information must be maintained along with the new amended information (apparently God is a real stickler for details). This means that in the Church rolls of Catholic Churches across the US are the original names of adoptees with their birth parents names listed directly beside them. On those rolls are also their amended names with their new parents. Some adoptees have had luck finding sympathetic church secretaries and less frequently, empathetic priests, who have helped them to figure out what their original names and birth parents' names were through the use of those rolls. That book exists in every church. If a parish closes, it passes to the parish that assumes pastoral responsibility for the original parishioners. It is considered to be one of the most important pieces of information housed in any church and to adoptees and genealogists, it is a form of Holy Grail.

Armed with this new information: May 10, 1970, baptised in St. Paul's, Whitesboro, NY: I fantasized about finding a helpful church secretary. I knew that my relatives still attended St. Paul's. Surely, it could be as easy as asking for their intervention with the church secretary who was probably their friend.

For once, I was stalled. I couldn't ask for help. I didn't feel comfortable revealing to relatives outside of my parents that I was searching. I was afraid of what they would think and how they would interpret my need to search. I was certain it would translate to trouble for my parents. I just couldn't do it. I wouldn't do it. I felt as though I owed them an allegiance, a loyalty, fealty even. I just didn't want to open my parents up to the questions that I was sure would follow.

So the baptismal certificate information became a dead end by my own accord. Finally, a decision related to my identity that I actually had control over.