Thursday, January 28, 2010

Planning to Meet

The tickets were purchased, the hotel reservations made, the reply card returned for my cousin's wedding.  A day I had waited a lifetime for was actually going to happen.  So why was I so calm?  Why wasn't I nervous?  Why I wasn't freaking out?

Preparation, preparation and more preparation.  A lifetime of preparation, two decades of potential scenarios and two years of conversations.  I hadn't rushed into this.  I hadn't forced this.  I was ready and more importantly, so was she.

I focused on creating a scrapbook that I could give to L that would give her a visual record of many key moments in my life that included pictures and stories about everyone closest to me including my parents, my brother, my aunts/uncles/cousins, my grandparents, my friends and of course, my husband.  I wanted to be certain that I wouldn't forget to tell her any stories that she might want to hear and wanted to leave her with proof that my life has always been a wonderful one.  I knew that, until she saw a pictorial record, she might never allow herself to truly believe that her decision was the right one, one that she need not feel guilty about any longer.